It's not supposed to flow

I just have to come to terms with the fact that I have not meant the best friend I have always wanted yet.
I want that best friend who you connect on everything with. The kind that you get matching tattoos with and share music and amazing experiences with. The kind of person who wants to be around you no matter what you're doing and doesn't expect anything out of it; just being around you is enough.
I keep forgetting how young I am.
I get that feeling in my chest whenever I start to freak out and think "I have to do this over. I have to do this over." You can't do it over.
I'm sick of trying to make this friendship work when you're heart is so far away from it.
I need to stop thinking that there is something wrong with me.
I am so ready to bleach my hair and go red.
There is so much I want to get done this year. All of which costs good chunks of money.
I'm starting to want to go off to the dorms when I start school. I just wish my family could live there with me.
It's really difficult to always be there for someone and then watch when they blatantly pick someone to favor over you.
I had a really fun conversation with a new friend over AIM tonight. And this person happens to be completely adorable.
I hate being left out.
What is going on?