You know

I'm not sorry that I don't have fake hair and wear vintage dresses.
I'm not sorry that I don't have some obscure indie remix on my profile.
And I'm definitely not sorry that I'm not a size zero.

One day you will realize how little all of this matters.

You should be proud of me

for I went head to head with a huge fear of mine.
And even though the outcome was not exactly what I sought, I am fine. Breathing and everything. I feel somewhat fantastic, actually.

Quirky.

1. I love to sing one line over and over again. Recently the CD player in my car crapped out on me so until I get my other player installed, it's either NPR or my own voice so that's been a blast. Right now the one line I sing is "I laughed so hard I fell down" and I try to sing it just like the song and then I try odd ways and end up laughing at myself and making sure that my windows are rolled up. It doesn't sound half bad though. If I could just get the rest down...

2. I am most self confident when alone in my room. Sometimes I open a window and just dance and sing or pace while singing. But more than not, I'm in some position on my bed with my itunes up. I read blogs and listen to podcasts and sometimes I will come across something that inspires me so much that I start to think which usually leads to silly daydreams that really don't have to be dreams at all. I wish I could walk into places without using my hair as a shield.

3. I love making myself laugh just as much as I love making anyone else laugh. I do this far too much from the comfort of the driver's seat. I will be waiting to leave a parking lot and just start pretending to yell. I'll really play it up and even if no one sees it, I'm at least tickled.

4. Speaking of jokes, I never let them go. If you did something stupid a year ago I will still give you shit about it. If a person gets brought up, I will incorporate them into every joke for the rest of the night.

5. I love doing the dishes when no one is home. I put on the silliest music and dance like it's going out of style. It's honestly the only way that I can deal with scrubbing plates and cups.

Maybe I'll add on to this some other time.

I'm just proud

of my country, my new president, and my fellow Americans. This "hope" is almost cliche now, but who can deny it? In December of 2007, I decided that I needed to choose a candidate to back. This was my first election and there had to be someone that I could connect with. So I Googled and read and watched several of Barack's speeches until I was left in tears. It's nearly crazy that some ordinary man can come along and inspire so many people. I'm also proud that this is the man that I got to vote for in my first election. Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to focus on the big circle by his name on the ballot on November 4th. And a year ago on the 29th, I bounced in my seat in my classes all day, anticipating going to vote in my first primary and anxiously awaited the outcome that night.
This is amazing. Not just because he is the first black president, but also because of the unity that he has brought with him. For the first time in my life, I feel a bond with my country. It's difficult to capture this feeling with words, but I want it to last for the next four (but hopefully eight) years.

And I love love loved his speech so I'm taking up way too much space to post it.


My fellow citizens:

I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because we the people have remained faithful to the ideals of our forebears, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land — a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America — they will be met.
On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted — for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.

For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions — that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act — not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them — that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works — whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account — to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day — because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control — and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart — not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our founding fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort — even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West — know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment — a moment that will define a generation — it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends — hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence — the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed — why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

"Let it be told to the future world ... that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet (it)."

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

Just like me they long to see you on your knees.

I am trying desperately to hold on to how I am feeling right now.
I thought I was leaving this blog; I had my mind set on it. There is just too much shit going on in my head right now for me to begin trying to put it into words - much less type it. But I'm keeping the blog (if anyone reads it anymore, there you go).
I've felt so boring lately. I have one class, 10 hours a week at work, too much free time, and over 10,000 songs to hold my interest on my itunes. I want to be a writer, but all I seem to write are these silly blog entries.
Honestly, I may need to rethink my major and career path. Do I really want to write CD reviews when I can't even put my thoughts into words half of the time?
I want a lot.
And a part of me is wanting to get everything out of me right now and deliver it personally to everyone it concerns.
But fear is holding me back, like it does with every aspect of my life.
I'm 20 years old and I'm still laughing at the thought of growing up. How long will the joke hold before I realize that it will never get me anywhere?

I need to get music out. I want to replicate everything that hits the right chords (pun completely intended). I need to be able to sit down and instantly have ideas and ways of wording. I had not done this since 10th grade, but tonight I got this amazing rush of inspiration that left me with almost half a page of dribble. It's possibly horrible and each phrase is choppy and my recent influence is painfully obvious (to me at least), but it's out and it's mine.

I can no longer hide from my feelings or keep things hush. Why can't I just embrace everything while it is here? Why is living such a huge ordeal for me? What am I afraid of? I hate thinking "What is the worst that could happen?" but I need to be prepared.
I need to say something, toughen up, say goodbye, grit my teeth and deal, lift my eyes from the ground, think I'm beautiful despite the standard telling me otherwise, live.

Baby steps have never seemed so gigantic.

AHHH!!!

I have waited too damn long.

I love

finding covers of songs that I love.
If I adore a song enough, I want to hear it done a thousand different ways.

I have nothing interesting to write on, so here's another blog about music.

I cannot fucking stop watching this video.

Thank you, Matt and Kim for always leaving me with a ridiculous grin upon my face.

I forgot what I was doing.

I actually had a story to tell Friday night

but I was too busy crying and being ridiculous, so here it is:

On the way to Seaside, I stop at a gas station in Destin to uh, get some gas. A truck pulled into the parking lot in front of me and we were both heading to the TWO open pumps. See, I assumed that he would pull up to the first pump and let me get behind him on the second. I WAS PAINFULLY WRONG WITH MY ASSUMPTION. He took the back one, leaving me pump-less. So I shake it off and go to a pump on the other side which ends up being OUT OF ORDER. Now I'm pissed and I start calling him a "cock sucker" because that was honestly the first insult that came to mind.
I drive around all of the pumps until I find an open one which happens to be right across from him. I open my door and Taryn starts going on about how he has his ipod on and then we realize that he's ON THE PHONE. Maybe I'm crazy, but I haaaate when people use their phone anywhere but at their house and I'm assuming yet again that he is that kind of person who talks on his cell while driving and I hate him even more if that is the case.
So, I get out of my car and I'm about to put my card in when I have this semi-genius plan. I don't want to hear this pump stealing cock's phone conversation. I want to hear of Montreal. The moment I turn the key to the first setting in the ignition, Taryn knows exactly what I'm about to do. The windows are down and I set it on number six and crank the volume up just a bit and begin filling up. His conversation gets louder and I motion for Taryn to turn it up just a little more. THEN he gets back in his truck and he's nearly yelling into the receiver as he does so. It was brilliant.
As I'm pressing "no" for a receipt, I look over at his car and he is in the driver's seat, glaring at me. The expression was fucking priceless.
Then he starts to get out of his vehicle and I jump in mine, keep the music blaring, and yell "cock sucker" (this is probably my 2nd time using that phrase) as I drive away with my $11 worth of gas.

I just need to go to sleep

Oh have I been too discreet
How long am I supposed to wait
I think about you nightly
Oh can you tell I'm losing sleep

What am I supposed to do
It's hard to stay cool
Oh when you smile at me
And I get nervous every time you speak

My bed's too big for just me
When you turn your eyes
I promise I won't care
Standing by your sister fair

Oh baby baby baby please
My heart sinks to my feet
What am I supposed to do
I think about you nightly

My bed's too big for just me
When you turn your eyes
I promise I won't care
Standing by your sister fair

When I look in your eyes
I tend to lose my thoughts
Don't forget your stare
Oh what was that you said
Would you let me know
'Cause I can't read your mind
Oh can you tell
I can't even explain

Oh baby I can't even explain
What am I supposed to do
It's hard to stay cool
When you smile at me
And I get nervous every time you speak
Oh, standing by your sister fair

I should have been an angel but I'm too dumb to speak

It's not you, it's me.

SHARKBOY 4 LYFE!

I just ran around my house screaming after hearing this news.
Taylor is playing Jacob for New Moon and I am unreasonably giddy.


Oh, Sarah

"I want to become a doctor just so I can give Kevin Barnes his physicals."

I am still not feeling the blog thing at the moment. I was about an hour ago, but I had more important things like hang up my laundry and dance to my ipod.

Let's see, let's see.
My New Years Eve was enjoyable. I saw lots of drunk skanks and laughed far too much.
The days since then have been pretty good.
I'm irritated with the mail man and I am currently waiting on three separate orders to arrive.
I have bought so much Twilight shit since my store became Twi heaven.
I bought the Bella scented perfume...
Last night the whole family went to the mall, looked through kaleidoscopes, and my sister and I took pictures with the Snuggie box.
Then, while waiting on my parents to stop being cute and kissy, we spoke of Mr. Barnes' genitalia. What we were talking about doing will make no sense unless done in person. And even then I would have to fight off disgusted looks.
I feel like I have to pee all of the time.

SCHOOL STARTS THURSDAY.
And I wish I had more than one class.

My Girls

Have I expressed how amazing this year in music is going to be?

Because holy shit.

Why can't Wes Anderson write and direct my life?