Lovin' my BFF

TWILIGHT SHOWING, DECEMBER 6
SARAH AND LINDSEY, AND WHY WE'RE HILARIOUS.
But only to ourselves.

Charlie: I guess it grew out again.
Lindsey: That's what she said.

Bella: Great.
Tyler: Nice ride.
Sarah: Fuck off, Tyler.

Lindsey: Wardo's a virgin, but we keep trying to change that.
Sarah: Yeah, but he keeps knitting.

Edward: -offended by Bella's smell-
Lindsey: Bitch STANKS.

Edward: I'll just have to endure it.
Sarah: That's what she said.

Buttcrack Santa: -leaves scene-
Lindsey: See you on the gurney.

Lindsey: That just made me came. Wait, I said that wrong.

Bella, Lindsey, Sarah: An animal?

Edward: If you hate the cold and rain so much, why did you move to the wettest place in the continental US?
Sarah: My vag?

Edward: No, it's the fluorescence. I uh...
Lindsey: Gotta go wank off. Deuces.

Charlie: Edward? Your boy?
Lindsey: Well, no, I mean, I vamped him but we aren't really related.
Sarah: It's a long story.

Mike: Do you wanna go.. to prom... with me?
Lindsey: Wardo says that's not gonna work for him. He'll go to prom with red eyes, he doesn't give a fuck.

Bella: Everyone's going to the beach. Come.
Lindsey: For me.
Sarah: Please.

Sam: The Cullens don't come here.
Sarah and Lindsey: HAHAAHHAH

Buttcrack Santa, Sarah, Lindsey: Meeeeeeeooowww

Victoria, Sarah, Lindsey: What do you want?

Sarah: Dude, Laurent is Blackula.
Me: Count Chocula?

Jessica: She's right, though. This looks awesome.
Sarah: snort laughter....snort laughter...snort laughter

Bella: Your hand... is so cold.
Lindsey: Your dick... is so cold.
Sarah: Your acting... is so bad.

Bella: Can you pull in?
Sarah: That's what she said.
Lindsey: Fuck her gently, Tenacious D.

Lindsey: There's Rosalie in her BitchMW.

Bella: I bet Alice saw me coming.
Lindsey: No, not until Breaking Dawn.

Billy: Here's some of Harry Clearwater's homemade fish fry.
Sarah: I'm gonna om-nom-nom the shit outta that.

Edward: Yeah, this is my room.
Lindsey: This is where the magic happens.
Sarah: It's like Cullens.... Cullens on the cribs!!!

Sarah: Be still, my heart.
Lindsey: Be still, my vag.

Charlie: It's human.
Sarah and Lindsey: An animal?

Charlie: Looks like the Newton boy has a big smile for you.
Lindsey: Yeah dad, he has a big dick for me too.

Edward and Bella hesitate on the kiss for 8 million seconds
Fangirls in the theater: DO IT ALREADY!!!
Sarah: GUYS, IT'S VERY DIFFICULT FOR HIM!!!!

Aftermath of the kiss:
Lindsey (in Edward voice): What is this hardness pressing against my thigh?
Sarah: What is this sin?

Sleeping scene:
Lindsey: If you don't sleep, do you still get morning wood?

Carlisle: I'm Carlisle, and this is my family.
Lindsey: We don't have names.

Laurent leaves:
Sarah: See you in the meadow!

Edward: Bella you are my life now.
Sarah: Wardo, you are my life now.

Bella: I never gave much thought to how I would die.
Sarah: Didn't you say that already?
Lindsey: Yeah, I don't think you're being truthful.

Edward, sucking out the venom
Sarah: That's the only sucking that's going to be happening for awhile.

EDIT:
Carlisle: Animal attack.
Sarah and Lindsey: (Carlisle voice) Animal uh-TECK.