No offense, but...

Since when does that negate the offensive words that follow it?

That last thing I want to do is discuss my... disgust toward a friend whom I really do (deep down) care for. But if they end up seeing it, what can I do other than come right out and say these things to their face?

The last thing you have done in these past two years is "grow up" and I'm almost embarrassed that you can sit there, straight faced and confess this to me. Speaking of embarrassment, I had to go back to all of my friend yesterday and apologize for anything rude that you may/did say to them. You criticized my job by saying that I needed a "real" one and you were a bitch to my boss who, FYI, gets all of the same benefits, etc as your bosses at Starbucks. You talked my friend's ear off as well as everyone that we came into contact with. You went on and on and on about your ring and how you shouldn't spend any money as you thumb through racks of clothes. I also heard your moving story about a dozen times. "I don't really get excited about shows anymore because I know that I can go and see anyone I want back at home." That's really great and I'm glad that you have that advantage. But you have always rubbed this fact in my face. I do not think that you heard a single word that I said to you that night. You are beyond consumed with yourself and "Where was God when I needed him?" and anything/anyone but you is completely out of the question.
You've never been the easiest person to tolerate and it all came rushing back to me Thursday night. The rude jabs you make (whether you know it or not), your 'holier than thou' attitude. NO OFFENSE, BUT... I can definitely see why you didn't come home to as many friends as you left behind.

And I apologize, but the last thing I am going to do is drag you along to a show that I've been planning to take my friend to for the past 4 months as part of her birthday present. It would not be "us" going together and that's exactly how you would make it. I would not put my friend, nor my sister through a night of what I had to put up with.


Currently Listening to: Broken Social Scene Presents: Kevin Drew

But for these last few days leave me alone.

The metaphorical light at the end of that metaphorical tunnel is getting dimmer and dimmer and I'm fresh out of (metaphorical) light bulbs.

When I kept repeating "Everything will work out." in my head last month, I was lying.
I honestly feel myself crumbling under all of this pressure and stress. I have no idea how to handle anything at this point. This is not anything that I really want to talk about and I'm having quite a difficult time doing so.

Between the financial state of myself and my family, mixed in with the fact that if I do not get my financial aid accepted I will not be able to attend school during the Fall, I am losing my mind and myself.


Currently Listening to: Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Sufjan Stevens

You said "send me stationary to make me horny"
So I always write you letters in multi colours
Decorating envelopes for foreplay
Damn extended metaphors, I get carried away
On the back of a natural disaster, fixed with parcel tape and with kids sticking plasters
Nothing says 'I miss you' quite like the poetry carved in your door with a Stanley knife

I break my heart around this break my heart around this pole

I realize that I fall so hard and so quickly and I'm beginning to wonder if anyone else realizes this. All it takes is a kind word thrown in my direction and I go into complete school girl mode and put on the most annoying lovey-dovey shit that I have in my Itunes.
It's the feeling that I long for. That surge of electricity that runs through my entire body the moment I think of that person.

"Whoa...your love is a fast song
And I'm dancing 'cause I'm loved again
Whoa...my heart is in motion
For the rhythm inside you
Whoa...your love is a slow song
It's resounding through my world again
Whoa...my heart is in motion
For the song inside of you"

That shit.

I feel incredibly dorky now and my heart is jumping rope in my chest as I type this nonsense.

ANYWAY.

I rearranged my room today for the second time in two months and all I can think of now is April 2005, the last time my bed was on this wall. My love for The Decemberists was nearly a month old and I had the heart of a gorgeous lad (for about a month) who would kiss me at every stop light. Then there was the sentimental trip to the mountains in North Carolina followed by a trip to Jacksonville a few weeks later to see My Chemical Romance.

I am so stuck on memories and trying to experience old feelings.

I desperately need to move on to making new memories and dipping my toes into the waves of new feelings.

And this has lost any focus that it may or may not have had to begin with.

Happy birthday to my mommy.

Currently Listening to: Adele as well as anything with the word "love" in it

My skin is peeling.

I guess that I have lost any reader(s) that I used to have, so I'm back to writing for myself.

After a long night of watching great bands and sweating my ass off (I wish), I've come to a few conclusions. I'll only bother you with two of them (unless the other ones randomly come back to me).

1. I will never lust over or even date a musician ever again. This made more sense the moment it entered my mind and now the idea seems kind of silly. I always, always fall for musicians.

Alright, one conclusion.

2 (actually a legit 1). Kind of a conclusion, but more so something that is now way up there on my "dislikes" list. I absolutely hate the way that guys hold their girlfriends at shows. You know, they stand behind them with their arms around their front?
For some reason it grosses me out. And after giving it maybe 10 minutes of solid thought, I've realized that it's not because I'm jealous of their "love" or I'd rather be in her place, there's just something about the way that it looks.
How could you go to shows and stand there, basking in young love, without any movement? I understand the silent way of taking in music, but I am a mover and I should not be attempting to blog at 2:32 AM.

Affection should probably just be left at the doorstep of your local venue.


As far as everything else goes:
I have a sunburn
My Colin Meloy Sings Sam Cooke CD came in the mail
And other things that I'd rather not bring up at the moment


I need to make a list.


Currently Listening to : Frightened Rabbit

I survived. That's good enough for now.

After 8 days without posting, I feel no different than I did last Thursday.
Still, I am insisting on starting a new blog.
I tossed around the idea of making it private. I even considered making a completely new blog under an entirely new Google email.
But why?

The reason I started this was to get my thoughts out of my mind and into the minds of others (despite how boring they may be) and of course I like knowing that people may stumble upon this and read it with the possibility of actually enjoying it.

As I have gone into before, the reason why only 3 or 4 people who I know in "real life" have the link to my last blog is because I'm afraid that I'll begin censoring myself if I all of a sudden have an audience of close friends hanging around my personal page. With a new blog, and a slightly new outlook on the world o' blogging, I hope that I can manage to get over that fear.

With that being said, this is basically a continuation of my last page. Maybe I'll try to make things more interesting, but forcing it would be even worse than censoring it. I will still use parentheses far too much, include at least two commas in each sentence, and steal my titles from songs.




Currently Listening to: You Say Party! We Say Die!